Funny Sh*t Customers Say

Funny Sh*t Customers Say

Eight years down into the industry. From a food blogger to a food photographer, and now somehow end up doing a bit of consulting. A number of funny stories about customers eventually come up during my conversations with restaurant owners, chefs, and F&B entrepreneurs. Some are strange; a couple are frustrating; and the rest of them are downright hilarious.

Funny Sh*t Customers Say is a compilation of those stories, a way to channel our headache in facing the ups and downs of running F&B business. A way to let you get a glimpse of how fun (and again, frustrating at times) it is to be in this industry. It won’t stop us from doing our best, hopefully educating the customers, and keep on improving. I hope you get a few laughs out of this article.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this article. You know who you are.


Customer: Saya mau kopi… Tapi gak mau yang panas dan gak mau yang dingin…
Staff: …?


4 customers walked into an empty café.
Customers: Do you have any seating upstairs?
Staff: No, only downstairs.
Then the customers walked away.


Customer: Permisi, ada sumpit?
Staff: Silahkan
Customer: Thank you
*pakai sumpitnya buat konde rambut*


“Kenapa saya gak dibilangin Croque Madam itu pakai roti?”


Interesting e-mail:
“Hi, I’m a food blogger with 10K followers. I’m planning to visit your café. If you pay me IDR 350K, provide me with 2 foods and 2 drinks, we’ll review your venue.”


Staff: Semuanya 51 ribu
Customer: Udah lah, 50 ribu aja!
*Placed the money on the counter and left*


A customer went to a coffee shop. Because he doesn’t drink coffee, he ordered flavored ice tea. He then proceeded to say that the ice tea tasted ordinary and wonder why a lot of people go to this coffee shop.


“Mas, latte-nya bisa difilter?”


Customer: Kafe ini baru buka ya?
Staff: Iya, kita baru buka seminggu
Customer: Ada diskon ya?
Staff: Maaf kita gak ada diskon Bu.
Customer: Owalah, namane kafe baru itu mesti diskon Mas. Gak gitu gak payu lho kafemu nanti. Diskon 50 persennn gituuu. Lak payu Masss Mass…
Staff: … Saya cuma karyawan Bu…


“Mas, saya pesan Piccolo satu. Kopinya jangan banyak-banyak ya!”


All sitting on same table

Guest A : “I am allergic to tomatoes, do you have beetroot instead?”
Guest B : “I am allergic to garlic, but im ok with onion.”
Guest C : “Im allergic to dairy.” Requested special mains, then spotted guest C to be eating cheese later
Guest D : (allergic to nuts but forgot to tell us that he was allergic until food delivered to the table)
Summary : I need to get out of this industry 😂


Customer: Mas ini kok es cokelatnya gak manis?
Staff: Oh, ini gula cairnya Bu.
Customer: Lho, saya ga mau pakai gula! Saya maunya manis, tapi jangan pakai gula ya!
Staff: …


“Can I have Eggs Benedict with scrambled eggs?”


*Pointing at every single item at the bakery*
Customer: Ini baru gak?


“Hah, sudah habis kuenya? Waduh. (Nama Kompetitor) masih ada gak yah? Masih buka gak yah dia? Kamu tolong cari tahu dong.”


Customer: Halo, saya mau tanya promo 10 ribu itu berlaku buat semua makanan dan minuman?
Staff: Iya Bu betul
Customer: Itu sudah termasuk pajak?
Staff: Belum Bu, pajaknya hanya 10%
Customer: Wah, mahal banget, yaudah gak jadi deh


“Mbak saya jauh-jauh ke sini bukan buat makanannya, tapi buat colokan, masa gak ada si?”


Customer: Mbak, Ice Lychee Tea ada buah lycheenya gak?
Staff: Ada Bu
Customer: Lycheenya ada berapa buah?
Staff: 2 buah Bu
Customer: Wah kok dikit banget, tambahin 3 lagi ya!
Staff: ?!?!


Once upon a time in Malaysia,
“Hey you, apa pasal ini masin sangat!?”
“Our apologize Sir, do you want that to be replaced with a new one?”
“Ah you are not from around here. Dari mana? Indon kah?”
“Iya, saya dari Indonesia.”
“Ah pantaslah you bodoh masak. Orang Indonesia cari wang disini tapi bodoh semuanya”




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